You’ve Learned So Much From Your Mistakes — Why Not Make a Few More?

Sep 14

Mistake -- a word mired in failure, defeat, and grief. A mistake can certainly be defeating and worrisome, but what does it mean to make a mistake? For some, it means all of the above and will warp the mind to see nothing but. For others, the opposite; a learning experience on which to base future decisions with a clearer understanding. THAT is precisely where we lead off today.

While it’s difficult to sometimes admit your own mistakes, I have always felt it’s easier to look inward after hearing how others around me have failed and what they have learned. Take me for instance.

My own mistakes

I’ve had failed relationships, I’ve failed in business (thrice so far), and I’ve failed teammates and coworkers in numerous times of need. I’ve sadly failed in upholding a higher coaching standard for myself thus creating tension, distrust, and taking away opportunities for others to improve. I’ve failed to see things that were brewing right in front of my own nose due to a lack of willing eyes to see them, and I’ve failed myself countless times.

During finals week, the last day of my junior year in college, I was accused of cheating on my exam and was kicked out of school. I spent the entire summer and first semester of my senior year at home working, retaking the class, and reassessing my goals in life. I came back for my last semester easily passing all of my classes, was able to make it to the national track meet, though injured, and graduated with nearly two degrees in three and a half years.

I had always been temperamental and overly critical of myself, which led to an explosive personality that saw me kicked off the collegiate track team, twice. Thankfully I had the resolve to better myself and an incredible coach who believed in second, and third chances.

As a coach, I’ve made decisions that I felt were right at the time, only to see them backfire in meets and lose the team precious points toward championships. I’ve made poor decisions in how I’ve coached certain athletes, choosing to let myself get too close and involved when the smart choice would have been to distance myself from situations to maintain healthy relationships and build different foundations.

I thought I knew what it meant to be a leader and I felt like it was something that just came naturally to me. While it may have been true, at least in part, I quickly found that I had much more to learn and that leadership is a skill to be cultivated, not something you innately possess.

I might not be the best failure out there, but I’ve tried pretty damn hard sometimes to make it that much more difficult for myself to succeed. But that’s not to say that I let it ruin what came after those mistakes. I’ve led teams and teammates to championship victories at every level. Combined with coworkers and businesses to mount the summits of corporate success. I have pursued four separate entrepreneurial ventures. I’ve learned what not to do in many situations, how to course-correct when I see something heading my way, as well as how to leverage others’ abilities around me to better offset my weakness or inability to do something in a timely manner.

I’ve cultivated calm minds, deep trust, self-sufficiency, and self-belief among some of those I hold most dear. I’ve even proven to myself over time that I wasn’t nearly as big of a failure as I once labeled myself, giving rise to a person I admire and can pridefully look at in the mirror and say, “You’re coming along just fine.”

I’m here to say this, you are a product of your mistakes -- own them.

Inevitability

You’re going to make so many mistakes in your life, and they are going to happen from birth to death. Screwing up does not make you a loser, a deadbeat, or confine you. In fact, it does quite the opposite when viewed from a realistic and positive vantage point. Unless you mistakenly walk across the path of a bus, mistakes aren’t going to kill you either. They CAN tarnish or ruin your reputation, they can make you feel like shit, they can squander an opportunity to do something you want, and more. But with the discomfort of failure, comes the comforting embrace of future success.

Let’s remind ourselves that mistakes can be overwritten. They can be learned from, reputations can be rebuilt, relationships can be mended or new ones created, opportunity does knock twice if you pursue what you want actively, and feelings are but a temporary extension of your mindset at any given moment of the day.

It’s always a good idea to sit down with yourself every once in a while and seriously ask yourself a few questions.

Having made this mistake, who is it I feel I’m letting down? Why?
What can I learn from having made this mistake?
Why did I make this mistake?

In regards to question number one, in particular, I’ve spoken to many people in my life who base their feelings and mindset on those they feel they let down. This can be more destructive than constructive depending on the situation. The one thing I like to remind myself, and others, is that you need to learn to live with your errors but also live your own life. When you allow yourself to live based on what others think and feel about you exclusively, can you truly say you’re living for yourself?

In the moment

From years of failing (remember failure is an “f” word but it’s not a bad one), I can tell you there are several things that help when you’ve reached that emotional state after having failed at something or made a terrible mistake.

Immediately take a deep breath, focus on that breathing and take a mental note of where your thoughts are heading. Do you feel you’re building up anger, depressing or negative thoughts, or do you feel resentment toward yourself or someone else?
When you have breathed a bit and taken note of how your thoughts shifted, immediately try your damndest to think of one thing you are grateful for. I know to some this is going to sound like that hippy-dippy nonsense, but it works! Are you grateful to be alive, have a puppy, have a family, own your car, have a job, have friends you get to talk to about distressing things, or someone you love?
Focus on that one thing you are grateful for and take note again of where your thoughts are and how your breathing has changed. Now, ask yourself the three questions above.
Now, own up to it 100%. Start by telling yourself the truth, and don’t twist it into a convenient white lie either. When you can own it in your mind, you can take control and you can also admit to others when you’ve done wrong. Believe me when I say, just like your parents always said, telling the truth will do you a whole lot better than making up lies.

Don’t feel like a failure if you can’t get it the first several times. It’s an exercise, like any other, that must be mastered with time. You’re going to fail a lot, so you should have lots of practice.

Famous failures

Some of my favorite stories to tell or read over and over again, are from those who you wouldn’t think ever failed a day in their lives. We all tend to see the outcome rather than the work, problems, and perseverance that lifted people to success. Those are the stories that make some damn good movies though, am I right?

We’ve heard Michael Jordan’s story, whether 100% accurate or not. The kid who didn’t make his high school varsity team initially, who “missed over 9000 shots...lost almost 300 games”, only to ultimately score 32,292 points, earn six NBA championships, five NBA MVP titles, 14 All-Star appearances, and become arguably the greatest player to ever play the game.

Oprah Winfrey, often known simply as “Oprah”, was sexually abused at the age of 9, by her cousin, uncle, and family friend. At 14 she got pregnant but lost her son just after birth. She was put into a mental institution early in life, but later was put on the right path by her father and was accepted on a full scholarship to college. She was fired by the producer of the show she was on after college because she was seen as “unfit for television.” She later became the most powerful and richest woman in the world, widely respected, won Emmy after Emmy, a Peabody award, a hugely successful television network, and book club, etc. Maybe the deeper the struggle the bigger the reward for those who can push through?

J.K. Rowling saw herself as a failure for many years after she initially began writing Harry Potter, getting married, and having a child. She ended up jobless, divorced, penniless, and with a small child to care for. She suffered depression, and like many, signed up for welfare. In 1995 twelve major publishers rejected the Harry Potter script. But, in 1996 a small publishing house, Bloomsbury, accepted it and extended a very small £1500 advance (at the time of this writing that equates to about $1850). In 1997, the book was published with only 1000 copies, 500 of which were distributed to libraries. Now the series is one of the most popular, successful, inspiring, and well-known franchises of all time. Worth nearly $30 billion! I guess she won’t be needing any government assistance these days.

Photo: Harry Potter fail [https://www.memecenter.com/]

How about those big motorized things you drive around town every day. The Ford Motor Company is one of the most successful automotive companies of all time, and the namesake of Henry Ford. Before it was to be, he failed two times, both resulting in bankruptcies. Thankfully for all of us, his assembly line and other innovations are what allowed the automobile to finally take shape and vastly open the world up to a great many. Fun fact, “The mass production techniques Henry Ford championed eventually allowed Ford Motor Company to turn out one Model T every 24 seconds.” That’s faster than it takes to warm up just about anything in a microwave!

Thomas Edison literally lit up our world when he found a way to harness the power of electricity to generate sustainable illumination. Having been fired from his first two jobs for being less productive than needed, and being called too dumb to learn by his teachers, you’d think his life would be headed in a less than admirable direction. It took him over 10,000 attempts to create the right set of controls. Of all those failed attempts, it took just one success to change the course of human history. Can you imagine if had he quit after 1,000 tries? He was asked by a reporter if he felt like a failure after 9,000 tries, to which he responded, “Why would I feel like a failure? And why would I ever give up? I now know definitely over 9,000 ways an electric light bulb will not work. Success is almost in my grasp.”

The list goes on and on and on. I’d venture most of you understand at least 5-10 things not to say to your mother or spouse. We didn’t learn what not to say by not saying it, did we? No, we test the waters, get hit, and hopefully learn a lesson.

Own it and thrive

I say this over and over, “We are ALL professional failures.” It’s failing that teaches us, and quickly I might add, what NOT to do so that we can open up to new possibilities. Hardships are what coerce creativity and growth.

So what have I learned in my short 33 years of gracing this rocky, expansive, chaotic, ever-changing planet of ours? The swiftest way to success is often expeditious failure. There is one under-arching, unmentioned, all-important rule when making mistakes -- don’t make the same one twice. Learning from your mistakes is the key to bringing about change. Learn from your own mistakes, but be cognizant of the mistakes of others. There’s always something to learn from those who have failed before you. I remember a saying that went something like this: “Intelligence is learning from your mistakes, but wisdom is learning from others’ mistakes.”

Learn to fail. Own your mistakes. Take something positive away. Fail again and again until it’s yours.